You Make Your Own Happiness
by imaginationisbetterthanlogic
Summary: Kate's mom show her the way to her happiness. It's in present day and no, Johanna Beckett is not alive. It may sound kinda christmassy and I may or may not have taken te idea from Christmas Caroll. Give it a try. It's better than it seems
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I'm only saying this once. I don't read my stories to check for errors or grammar. I'm to self-criticizing and if I did so I probably wouldn't publish this.

**Disclaimer:** This show, characters, etc are not mine and I'm making no profit out of this story. Just want this horrible hiatus to be shorter.

**You Make Your Own Happiness**

Kate woke up at the smell of scrambled eggs, bacon and fresh orange juice. Just like her mother used to do every morning. She very slowly got off bed. She was home, alone. How the hell did the smell come from her kitchen. She opened her nightstand and took off her spare gun. Just in case.

With her senses in high alert, Kate slowly went to the kitchen. She almost droped her gun when she heard someone humm from the kitchen. Wait she knew that voice. It was her mom's. No, no way. It couldn't be. She was dead. She had to be mistaken. Holding her gun in place she continued to the kitchen and took a deep breath.

"NYPD. Show me your hands!" the female figure turned around and gave her that so familiar smile.

"Hi sweetie, want some breackfast."

Kate froze in place while tears started burning her eyes.

"Mom..." she breathed.

A/N: I know. This is short. But this is only a prologue. The all story is already up. Keep reading it gets better. I promise.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** This show, characters, etc are not mine and I'm making no profit out of this story. Just want this horrible hiatus to be shorter.

"Mom!" Kate run into her mother's arms and started crying.

"There, there Katie." Johanna held her daughter tight and soothingly rubbed her back.

Kate was overwelmed by her mother's sent. She had missed her so much. So, so very much.

"Katie, you know this is not real right? You know you're dreaming."

"Yes..." Kate managed to choke the word.

"Well, sweetie, I come here for a reason. So enough crying." Johanna held her daughter's shouders and pushed her away from her and then gave her that reassuring smile that she used to use when Kate fell in the playground. With a soft move of her thumbs she whipped away the tears that streamed down Kate's cheeks. "You look prettier when your not crying." Kate got a hold of herself. For God's sake. She was just dreaming. Kate took a deep breath.

"Okay, I think I'm good now."

"Great. I'm here to teach you a lesson. I want you to close your eyes and count to three."

"Why?" Kate was afraid that if she closed her eyes her mom would jusy desapeer again and she would wake up in a cold appartment, all alone.

"Just do it. I'm not going anywhere, sweetie. At least, not until you've learned your lesson.

Kate took a shuttering breath and closed her eyes.

"Okay... Eyes closed. Now what?"

Johanna used her most relaxed voice.

"Breathe in. One."

Kate's chest rised when she took the breath.

"Now breath out. Two." Kate, once again did as she was told to, "Now in... and out. Three."

Kate could still feel her mother's hand on her shoulder.

"Now open your eyes Katie."

Young Kate Beckett was by the kitchen counter at her parents house, trying to sneack a cookie out of the plate of fresh cookies her mom had just made. She already had her hand holding a cookie, now the only think she had to do was to quietly retreat to her room.

She turn around ever so slowly and then screamed at the sight of her mom in front of her. She was startled so badly that she fell on her back, landing with her butt on the floor.

She glanced upwards, to her mom one hand on her hips while holding a big spoon full of chocolate dough in the other.

"Katherine Beckett. How many times did I tell you to not steeling cookies. It's a very ugly thing to do. We do not steel, we ask politely." Johanna said while waiving the big spoon in Kate's direction.

"But, but, but-"

"No buts missy. Now you'll only be able to eat a cookie after everyone else is finished."

"No fair," Kate whined "daddy will eat all of them and he took one too." She crossed her arms and pouted. Johanna's eyes grew bigger.

"James Leroy Beckett. Come here immediatly."

Kate's dead poked his head through the living room door.

"Yes, dear?"

"Don't you dear me. Did you or did you not steel a cookie?"

"I-I- I-" he seemed confused and slightly scared.

"Don't you even start. You have some cookie left on your chin!"

Jim pointed a finger to Kate.

"You traitor. You tell-tale. Never thought my own daughter would do such a thing to me."

"Mommy, says that it's ugly to lie and steel. And not telling the truth it's cowardy."

"That's right. Have you seen the bad exemple you gave your daughter Jim? I'm realy desapointed with both of you."

Kate's lip started quivering. She got up and pulled her mother's sleeve. Her mother got on one knee to be on Kate's high. Kate putted her small arms around her mother's neck and gave her a sloopy kiss on the cheek.

"I'm realy sorry mommy, but your cookies are so good. That me and daddy couldn't resist, but I promise next time I'll ask you first. Can you forgive me mommy?"

"Well..." Johanna put her best thoughtful face and Kate gave her best puppy dog face "I guess I can't rersist to the most adorable child on this planet can I?"

Kate gave her mother another kiss.

"No, you can't!"

Jim stood at the entry of the kitchen and laughed at the scene.

"That doesn't mean that you get to eat the cookie you stool. And you Jim Beckett won't be able to eat it to. No more cookies for both of you until after dinner."

"Yes, mommy."

"Yes, m'am."

Kate and her dad said at the same time. And they all laughed at that. They all feeling happy.

Kate stood with her mother looking down at the scene if front of her and laughing a bit. She was so happy back then, when the weight of the world wasn't on her shoulders.

She looked at her mother that stood beside her.

"See how happy you were Katie? You can still be happy now. Just like you were then."

"But now I don't have you mom."

"You don't need me to be happy. You make your own happiness." Johanna gave her a smile.

"I think I do need you. I have to make justice mom. I can't let whomever did this to you to just walk freely around. I can't."

A sad smile took over Johanna's face.

"Oh, Katie. You're missing so much of your life! You realy don't have any idea how much your missing. Now close your eyes. I want to show you something. You know what to do. Count to three."

They repeated all the process that had took them to Kate's childhood.

Kate was mad. She was behond mad. She had finally made it to homicide detective. Capitain Montgomery had helped her and trained her. And now there she was. A step closer to her mom's killer. She had even got a new lead on the case. But she had been a little too rough on a suspect and Captain Montgomery had sented her home. Kate was not happy.

She got to her appartment's door and passed the living room where a murder board was set up with all the information from her mother's murder, and went straight to her bed where she curled up in a ball and started crying feeling the weight of the world crash full force over her.

Kate was up in the podium, giving the elogy at Captain Montgomery's funeral. She blinks and when she realizes she's on the ground with Castle over her, gasping for air. The bullet that went through her taking her life away. Making all her heart bleed out of her body. And there he is. Castle. Holding her tight, making her live.

"Kate. Stay with me Kate."

She wants to answer. She realy does. But all her air was taken from her. She can't get enough air to talk. Hell, she can't even get enough air to breath.

"I love you. I love you, Kate."

He loves her. Richard Castle. Loves her.

It's all too much to take. Everything goes black as Castle's tears fall down.

Kate is watching the scenes from up. She turns to her mother. So much sadness and hurt in her face.

"Katie. This is where your search for my killer will end up. With you bleeding out. Dead." her mom run a hand over her back "Is that realy what you want? Do you have any idea what that would do to your father. He'll fell for the bottle again, but this time he would be all alone without no one to save him. He'll drink himself to dead." Kate looked down. She didn't want her dad to die "And Castle. What would happen to him without you to keep him balanced?" Johanna took both sides of Kate's cheeks with her hands and kissed her forehead. "Katie. You've got so much leaving to do. Don't let my dead stop you from leaving. I'm already so proud of you, Katie. You could never let me down."

A tear streamed down Kate's cheek and Johanna wipped it off with her thumb.

"Now I'm going to show you the two paths your life could follow. First I'm gonna show you the worst. The one that will happen if you don't quit this."

Kate closed her eyes. When she opened them again she looked around, but she couldn't find herself like in the other times. They were still at the cemetery. She's in front of a stone with her name craved on it.

Her eyes grew wider and she looked at her mom that was, as always, beside her with a hand on her shoulder. Her face so sad.

Kate heard footsteps and turned around. Castle was heading torwards her.

No, not torwards her. Torwards the place where her body was burried. He deposited a red rose on top of it. A single tear streamed down his face.

"I could have given you so much Kate. If only you've let me. I would-" he blinked a couple of times. "God, Kate. Why did you did this to me? I could have given you so, so much. I could be your one and done, if you only-" Castle's eyes started filling with tears. He took a deep breath and tried to take a hold of himself. "I visited your dad at the hospital today. The doctor's not sure if he will last much longer. I told your dad that he had to keep strong and get trough this. He asked me why. I had no answer to him. I realy didn't. If it weren't for Alexis I don't know where I would be right now. Maybe with your dead in some hospital drinking you away of my mind. But I'll stay strong for my little girl and my mother too. I stopped writing. Did you know that? What's the point. I don't have my muse anymore. Why go one, when every single word reminds of you. Hell, I even stopped drinking cofee. It only reminded me how you used to smiled whenever I gave you one. It was like our good morning kiss, you know." Castle whipped the tears with the back of his hand. "I realy thought we could have a real future together. You know, marridge, some kids. I've always wanted more kids. And then we would gorw old together. Living in some house far from the city where I could tell you stories every day. And it would be nice for our grandchildren to play too. Lots of space, you know. We could have a dog and everything. Why had you to take all of that away from me? From us? And what was the point Kate? Where's the justice now that you're dead?" Castle took a deep breath and looked down. "Until next time, Kate."

Kate's face was filled with tears. She hugged her mom and cryed away. When she was a bit calmer, she asked.

"I- I did this to him? So there's no hope for us? Nothing. I will just died and hurt everyone?"

"Oh, Katie, of course not. Remember I said it was to paths? I'll show you the second one. The hopeful one, now! Close you eyes."

Kate repeated the all thing once again, eagerly. She realy wanted a better future for her and Castle.

Kate was in the kitchen mixing the dough for the chocolate cookies she was making, when she heard the front door open.

"Honey, I'm home."

She smilled and whipped her hands in her apron, going to meet Castle at the front door. She gave his welcome kiss. On the lips and filled with so much love that Castle got that silly smile on his face. She pulled away, but Castle held her in place.

"Hey."

"Hi." he gave her another kiss.

"How's the baby?" he putted a hand on her ever growing belly.

"Feeling like eating home made chocolate cookies apparently." his all face lit up.

"That means you're making chocolate cookies." Kate chucked at his enthusiasm.

"Yes, Mr. Castle. That does mean I'm making chocolate cookies. Now if you excuse me I'm going to the kitchen and continue making those cookies. That of course, if you want me to. I could just let them like that and don't make them." his smiled disapeered. He let go of her and spinned her around, very gently pushing her torwards the kitchen.

"Mrs. Castle, you will not left those cookies undonne. That would be a crime torwards the Castle house. You should continue and please that kid your growing inside of you..."

"His name is Alexander."

"Still think it's a girl. And she shall be called Johanna." Kate's eyes filled with sweetness and love "Talking about kids. Where are my already born kids? Where are the twins tornado?"

Right when Castle asked two kids jumped from behinde the couch with two nerfs pointed to Castle. They started shooting and Castle, beeing the drama queen son he was, fell to the ground closing his eyes and sticking his tongue out. Pretending to be dead. The twins squeeled and leaned down near their dad. Then up to Kate.

"Mommy, we killed daddy! Look!"

When Derrick finish talking, Castle grabbed both of them. One in each arm, and somehow mannaged to pinn them both on the floor while tickling him.

"I'm the all mighty warrior of the Castle house! Now begg for surrender my children."

Derrick was the first one to give up. When Castle stopped tickling him, he rushed to Kate, and beeing the mommy's boy he was, he grabed one of her legs while breathing fast, trying to ease his breathing from all the tickling torture. His eyes were like Kate's and they were smiling at her. With all the joy a five year old could have.

Kate ruffled his hair and he gave her a sloppy kiss.

Nikki was taking the most trouble to Castle. He hadn't stopped tickling her.

"You shall beg for mesericordy my chilld!"

"Never!" she squealed between giggles "I shall never beg in my life."

Castle stopped tickling her, because it was way to much enthusiasm for a day. And if they wanted her to sleep, she shouldn't be over estimulated.

"Okay. You win my child. But I'll forever be the king of this castle!"

Nikki looked at Castle with baby blue victorious eyes, before making a run to Kate. Brown hair waivering. Nikki grabbed Kate's other leg.

"Silly daddy." she looked at Kate, smiling.

"Yeah," Kate agreed "Silly daddy."

Castle got up and made his way torwards her kissing her right on the lips.

"Mommy, daddy, ewww!"

"Stop it!" the kids complained and both Castle and Kate chucled at that.

"Okay, who wants to make a fort in the living room and watch a disney movie?"

"Me." the twins said in at the same time and then started giggling.

"Come on, let's leave mommy to make the delicious cookies and when she's down, she'll cuddle with us in our fort. Wich film do you want to see?"

"Beauty and the Beast."

"The Lion King."

"Oh, boy. Seems like you'll have quite the argument in front of you Mr. Castle. I'll stay here making cookies and you'll deal with your children." Kate gave him a smile.

"Weren't we supposed to be partners. You should have my back Kate."

"Oh, no. No way I'm getting between hose two and disney movies."

"Okay, then..."

Castle gave Kate a kiss on the cheek while dipping on finger on the dough and put it on his mouth. That earned him a disaproving look from Kate's part.

"What? I'm going to the middle of a battlefield. I will need energy to survive."

Kate chuckled and shooed them off the kitchen. When she could hear giggling from the living room, she putted a hand in her belly and whipered.

"Well, kid this is going to be your family. You better get used to it. They are all crazy."

"I heard that." Castle shouted from the living room and Kate chuckled, getting back to the cookie making task.

Kate was looking down at the scene with a silly smile on her lips and her eyes filled with so much hope. She turned to her mom that was looking at her full of proud and happiness.

"I think I get it mom. I shouldn't lose my life over this. I should focus on the living."

"You don't owe me your life Katie. You were born with the right of beeing happy. Take it. Don't lose yourself over this." Kate smiled and hugged her mom.

"Thanks mom. You always know the right thing to say."

"Hey, I'm always with you. In your heart. Remember that." Johanna gave Kate a loving kiss on her forehead.

"You have to go." Kate said. It wasn't a question.

"I do. Go live your life honey. Don't let anyone take it from you."

A/N: There's only another chapter. And it's an epilogue. I didn't wanted to live this like that, so keep reading. It's already up.

For the people that don't know what a nerf is, I'll explain. They are this realy cool toy guns that unfortunatly I do not own. It shoots orange spinge thingings so it doesnt hurt the other players, but man they are so cool! Apparently, if you listen to my dad, I'm too old and to girl to have own.

And another thing that I never understood was why people called Jim and James to the same person. I checked my Oxford Pocket diccionary (portuguese-english; english-portuguese) and apparently Jim is a dimminutive to James, wich in my language makes absolute no sense!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** This show, characters, etc are not mine and I'm making no profit out of this story. Just want this horrible hiatus to be shorter.

Kate woke up in her bead. She looked around a bit desorientated.

She took a deep breath and smiled at the memory of her so very vivid dream.

Her mother wasn't here. She was gonne with her dream, but for the first time in a long time, Kate just smiled. Because it was okay. Her mother wasn't here, but she was with her. Always in her heart.

Castle!

She had to call Castle. She couldn't lose another day of her life just waiting for the right moment, because you make your own happiness and she had already lost to much time with this.

She quickly grabbed her phone from the nightstand and called Castle.

"Castle!" she wasn't surprised by the fact that he picked up the phone with a shortness of breath, like her run to pick it up. He had probably done that. She just giggled. "Beckett? Are you okay?"

"Yes. I just realize that I'm okay. In fact I'm great. More than that. I'm happy."

"Are you sure you're feeling well?"

"Of course Castle." she said witha bit of annoyance in her voice. She let it go and got back on what mattered. "Hey, do you wanna come over. I'll make breackfast and you'll bring that heavenly good tasting coffee, okay?"

"Sure. Now?"

"Yes, Castle. Now. Hurry up!"

"Okay. I'll be there as soon as I can." Kate laughed and the eagerness in his voice.

"Okay. See you soon. Oh, and Castle?"

"Yes?"

"No way I'm calling my kids Nikki and Derrick."

Kate heard a bit silence form the other side and she could imagine Castle's face. He probably had his mouth opening and closing like a fish. She loved letting Castle speachless.

"Kate..." he began.

"Bye, Castle. See you soon." she hung up the phone and smiled. This would be definitly an interesting breackfast. She was so tired to wait.

When Castle got there, and after he safely putted the two cups of coffee in her counter Kate cupped his cheeks and kissed him with all the love and hope she had colected. And he kissed her back. He didn't lose any time not kissing her. After a while, when then needed air, Kate pulled away and turned to the counter picking up her cup of coffee and sitting down in the table to eat breackfast.

Castle was still in place with the biggest grin she had ever seen. His eyes crinckling. All hope and love and all she needed. She smiled.

"Coming, Castle?" he turned to her and nodded, sitting on the table in front of her. His smile never left his face. She couldn't help but tease him a little "Eat up, Castle. We're gonna have a very busy day and I don't know if you can keep up with me." she smilled at his slightly dumbfounded face. She chuckled.

This was her second shot to enjoy and live her life. She would take it. Starting today, she would be happy. She would make her own happiness!

A/N: Sooo... what ya think? This is the final chapter. And that means that this is my first complete story here. I'm realy proud of myself. I made this in one day. I usual am just too lazy to write an all chapter in one day. But I've written an all story today!

Tell me your thougts. Don't be afraid. I'm very friendly and there's that pretty button where you can click on :)


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